Language Opps Again: “Bitches be zitten”

Finally Attacking Nederlands!

So after 2.667 insanely awesome years of living in the Netherlands, I’ve decided to make the jump and start learning the local lingo! Oh thy Dutch language, it’s time to dissect you and figure out wtf is under all the deep throat spitting and the constant grammar exceptions to every rule. In case you’ve never heard Dutch, many sounds come from the back of the throat where you make similar sounds when gargling mouthwash. And I’ll be straight up and say that I have never heard anyone refer to Dutch as a romance language. It’s not cute.  There’s no oh la la sexy.  But strangely for me, Dutch almost has some southern twang in it like folks coming from the south of the USA…a bit nasal and further back in the mouth. Maybe my hearing is just bad.

This past weekend, I had my first intensive Dutch course in The Hague. Recently there was a contest where contestants had to explain why he or she enjoy living in the Netherlands and I won! The prize, 2 weekend intensive courses of Dutch provided by Dutchessa. 32 hours of drilling the lingo until something sticks, and after my first weekend, I’m happy to say that I can go to the market now and not have to use English…except when people try small talk with me and I have to say “hulp!”.

When you start learning a langauge, it’s very easy to get excited. You’re discovering a hidden code…this is serious James Bond work for me. As I walk on the streets, I spy on people’s conversations trying to figure out what people are saying.  I’m also reading out signs and finally seeing how words are put together like “uit” (out) + “nemen” (take) = “uitnemen” (take out). I’m even getting to understand numbers, which is really weird for me in Dutch. Fox example, you don’t say twenty-five; you say five and twenty.  It feels like constant math problems in my head!

I need to learn lyrics

Cool Video!…but

Anyway, I also want to get fancy and show off to my Facebook friends that’s I’m listening to Dutch music and really trying to step up my game. And so I posted this video, which I find incredibly catchy. The beat is hot! The video takes place in Paris, my love. The rap flo is good too! But with a weekend of Dutch under my belt, I have no clue what they’re saying. And yea, my language opps again. I was so excited to show my Dutch friends what I’m listening to, and they quickly pointed out:

Ik ben dom lomp en famous
Ik ben dom lomp en famous
Ik ben dom lomp en famous
Bitches zitten aan me penis!

Who knew!??  Actually for a second I thought I was hearing the word anus, but wow….I completely missed this sentence.  This reminds me of when I was trying to put words together in French to ask a school secretary for a tube to mail some paper posters. I said with a serious look on my face with my broken French at the time, “Excusez-moi, j’ai besoin d’une pipe” (Excuse me, I need a pipe) Pipe was the first word that came to my mind to describe the shape of what I needed, but very quickly I learned that I was actually asking the secretary for a blow job!

Sorry Bill!

 

I kinda feel like the grandpa and grandma at this point, but I’m having a good time learning!

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